Down In A Gulp: October 2007

Down In A Gulp

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Hello Ween

I have never celebrated Halloween, not even when I was in the States. You can say that I was the social outcast of the university society. You know, the freak that doesn't get invited to parties or gets rejected at the entrance of a club. Yes, sad it was.

I felt like Cinderella longing to go to the ball but had to stay home by the cinders with her rats.

So this halloween, I am still not invited to any parties. All I can do is just sit and wonder what would I be if I were invited to a party.

Sexy costumes are all out of the list, cos I ain't voluptuous. Can just forget about sexy nurses costumes. That leaves me with ghoulish costumes and ghoulish is what I have in mind.

If I were invited to a Halloween party, I would be The Corpse Bride.

Wicked!

I have seen one too many devil costumes. It is just too common. So the corpse bride is just awesome.

However, sexy fairy tale character costumes are very provocative. Hmm... I have yet to see anyone in these super sexy fairy tale costumes.

Sexy Lil' Red Riding Hood waiting to be raped by the big bad wolf

Slutty Alice in Wonderland spreading for the Mad Hatter.

For couples who are going for the party together, why not dress up as famous couples.

The sexy nurse waiting to give the mental patient some hot thigh rubs.

The priest and sexy nun getting it on at the backyard of the church.

This is the ultimate couple

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Super Sperm and Super girl! Like WTF, super sperm? Just wonder how will the story line go in a comic since Super sperm is a super hero.

Anyways Happy HelloWeen. Whateva! Enjoy yourselves you bitches!

Labels: Lifestyle

posted by DaphStar* @ 8:36 AM 1 comments

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Unsmelly

How do you stay considerably unsmelly after a long day at work? If you haven't commute to work, then you won't think that this is a serious issue that needs to be addressed by all Malaysians.

Before lunch time, the lifts are ok if it is stuffed with people. Right after lunch, everybody tend to rush back to the office at the same time and that is when the lift stinks. Smell of char kuey teow mixed with nasi goreng mixed with chicken rice mixed with tom yam permeates the air.

During rush hour in the trains, the air is so pungent that it damages your lungs.

So how exactly does one try to minimize the bad odor after lunch hour? Here are a few tips:

1) If you are going to a typical coffee shop where cooking are done inside, try to avoid a sitting place where all the cooking aroma flows to. If there is an outdoor seating area, go there! Stay far far away from where all the cooking is. In that way, the oils wouldn't stick to your work clothes and blend disgustingly with your body odor.

2) If you have to go to an air conditioned coffee shop that serves to-die-for noodles, make sure you full blast your car freshener. Or if you have a vial of essential oil in the car, drip it on your potpourri or any soft toy just to make sure the fragrance will over power the cooking oil odor. I have verified that this actually works.

3) Girls, buy one of those body mists from body shop and keep it in the office. It helps to spray heaps on yourself after lunch , just to keep yourself smelling fresh. Body mists are light fragrance that would not blend with your body heat. So it wouldn't hurt to spray loads of it.

4) If it is an excruciatingly hot day, plan to dine in the office with sandwiches. It will minimize pespiration hence minimize bad body odor.

5) If you know you have an underarm odor, wear deodorant. If the protection fades by midday, make sure you have bath wipes to wipe the affected area, then re-apply the deodorant. Applying deodorant on an alreayd affected area will only worsen the odor. Ensure to carry bath wipes everywhere. If you are not sure that you have under arm odor, ask a friend! It will hurt at first but you will be thankful that you knew.

With all these in mind, you should be unsmelly even after 6pm.

Labels: Lifestyle

posted by DaphStar* @ 1:53 AM 4 comments

Monday, October 15, 2007

Hakka yin

2nd day of raya was not very 'Rayaful' for me. Instead, it was more Chinese New Year-ish.
Was invited to attend the anniversary dinner of a Hakka association in Klang , known as the Tai Pu association. I am not a descendant of the Hakka clan , but was invited to train a couple of kids for a performance.

So there I was in a dinner with 400 over other Hakka people. I was so lost because the entire event was conducted either in Mandarin or Hakka and my command of neither dialect is almost close to nil.

It wasn't an entirely boring night because at least the food was fantastic! The organizers did a very good job at choosing a caterer all the way from Tanjung Sepat(some village off Morib in Selangor). All food served are authentic Hakka cuisine. I was just too occupied with savoring every dish served and gulping down the free flow of beer.

Guests were entertained throughout the dinner. Of course one of the performance was by some kids that I have trained and I must say they have done a pretty good job. The other performances was, irritatingly amusing.

Chinese vocal performances were popular among the guests. It was jaw dropping for me as I have never attended any Chinese karaoke competition in my life. The traditional Chinese karoke style of singing is just in a way hilarious to me. What more when the performer actually dresses up as a Chinese emperor, with a sword in one hand and a microphone in another.

The original Chow Yuen Fatt as the emperor and Jay Chow as the prince in the Curse of the Golden Flower movie.

Counterfeit product of Curse of the Golden Flower. Gotta admit that they paid quite a sum for that outfit. The singing was, well, can't comment because I am more of a Timberlake and Timbaland person rather than a Chinese karaoke crooner.

I think the guy is just hilarious! By the way, they are a father and son pair.

Thank goodness that singing wasn't the only entertainment of the night because our table was strategically placed where the speakers were directly facing us. There was a mini magic/illusion performance as well. And as you would've guessed it, yes, it is a traditional Chinese Magic show.

The person was actually dressed in a robe with a creepy mask, dancing around the stage for the length of 3 full songs. Best part of it all, it is the same 3 songs playing repeatedly for the entire performance. If this was performed in Iowa, kids would have dashed out of the hall screaming their heads off traumatized. What was the illusionist doing dancing around? She was pretty swift in changing masks throughout the dance ritual. It was impressive for the first few minute but then it got a little mundane after the 5th minute. However the MOST impressive part of all was that the performer was a girl. And not just any auntie. It was a hot 17 year old chick under that hideous robe. She was tall, really fair skinned, and she has the sweetest lips and smile. Who knew that a hot chick would do something so traditional. Don't believe me, check it out for yourselves.

She is pretty amazing.I think it is her masculine way of dancing that got everybody thinking it is a dude behind the mask.

There is always a good thing about holding functions in a small town. Food is cheap and exceeds expectations, oversized hall with a control center for performances, best of all corkage - sfree on all bottles of liquor brought to the event! Just ask for ice and water and you can start a party of your own if the event gets boring.

After the dinner, the only Hakka word I have learnt is Hakka Yin, which means Hakka Person. It was the most used phrase of the night. Hakka swear words , I have yet to learn. So if anyone could teach me some, I will use it liberally in my everyday conversation.

Labels: Lifestyle

posted by DaphStar* @ 7:26 AM 4 comments

Monday, October 8, 2007

Benny Lava

I am lost for words again after watching this video. Brought to you by the same guy who did the Indian thriller and whom came out with phrases such as PUmping Ovaltine, Gosh my calculator ain't got no bow.
This time watch out for ridiculous phrases like these.
I'd Love to see you pee on us tonight
I put papaya there, you love me inside there
I love you inside me

Ok enough of spoilers.

Totally hilarious and witty. I don't know how the guy does it but he just has a good ear for foreign languages.

Labels: Offbeat

posted by DaphStar* @ 7:48 AM 1 comments

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Kegel Exercise

I have never knew the importance of pelvic exercises until briefed by my guru recently.
Normal people would hardly workout their pelvic muscles ,unless you are always trying to hold your pee in. For women, pelvic exercises are also called Kegel Exercise.

So why is it important to workout the pelvic muscles apart from working out the abs?
Well, weak pelvic muscles often lead to urine leakage. You know, sometimes when you had a hard sneeze, you may soil your undies just a little. Imagine the embarrassment if the urine start to flow out uncontrollably and wets the floor you are standing on.I have seen people who laughed so hard that urine start flowing all over their legs until it wets the floor.

Pelvic muscle exercises can be done almost anywhere because the movements are so small that it is not noticeable. It involves pulling in and tensing the vaginal and anus muscles, as if to stop the flow of urine.

Kegel exercises are performed in the same manner. Women who has had gone through childbirth are encouraged to do these simple exercises to retain the firmness of that area. Why go for pills and painful surgery just to get back the firmness when it can be done just about anywhere and anytime.

How do you know if you are doing it right? I mean some of us might not know how to activate the vaginal muscles in order to work it. There are devices out there that tells you whether you are doing it right or wrong. I am amazed that there is actually such a device.

This is actually the KegelMaster and it is an exercise device. Users can adjust the device to create intensity to the exercise.

So, the KegelMaster is a device to assist in exercising. How about a device to actually tell you if you are activating the right muscles or not? I can't seem to find such a device but my guess its that it looks like the picture illustrated above. The flag at the end is the indicator on whether you are contracting the vaginal muscles or not. If done properly, the flag will nod. If done wrongly, the flag will wave sideways (like saying No No). So ladies, do it in your private space cos you won't want your partner to burst out laughing rolling all over the floor when he sees the flag waving. But, you partners will sure appreciate it if you know how to clench that muscle at the right moment during one of your couple 'activity'.

Labels: Issues

posted by DaphStar* @ 9:25 AM 5 comments

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