Down In A Gulp
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Tales from the Ladies
I think it is quite universal that in Asian toilets there exists 2 types of toilet bowl. The regular sitting ones and the squatting ones. You see ,Asians has the ability to squat as if it is their second nature. Asians can squat for a very long time be it waiting for a bus, taxi, train or just lepak-ing. Asians can definitely beat the Caucasians in a squat marathon.

The Asian Squat. The most stable squat.

Caucasian squat. Sure tip over after 10 seconds.

Anyways, almost swayed off topic. My point is that squatting toilet is annoying! I mean like it feels like you are closer to the toilet bowl. Ewwww. And sometimes the toilet is so wet, God knows what the previous person did, I feel like I could slip and fall into the toilet bowl anytime.
And what is with the raised platform to step on by the side. I do not understand what is that for. It doesn't prevent your pee from spraying to the side of your feet. It doesn't give you a stronger foot hold while doing your business. In fact it is most of the time very slippery. And when I step on those stones, I feel like I might just slip down into the bowl...arrgghh! And what's worst, squatting doesn't help in aiming the pee into the bowl. Half of the time it gets to the side of the feet and ewww...its just all wrong wrong wrong! Why do people still use the squatting bowl.

Why don't all the toilets just provide the sitting ones. Oh and I know people have all sorts of ways to tackle the sitting bowl. Since sharing a public seat is deemed unhygienic, ladies have come up with funny ways to minimize contact with the bowl.

1) Lay toilet paper at the sides of the seat.

This is quite common in Western countries where the seat is dry. Some places even provide a toilet seat cover be it manual or automated. That is like the best way instead of laying toilet paper on each sides of the bowl. And if the toilet paper are in squares, that is a lot of squares to lay on the seat. This only works in Western countries where the seats are dry and clean. Doesn't work the same in Asian countries where even the seats are wet and foot prints all over. No point laying toilet papers on wet seats cos you will eventually still sit on a wet seat. Wonder what kinda 'water' is on the seat sometimes.

2) Squat ON the seat

Only TSH's do that ( TSH stands for..... think like me and you can figure it out). Yea man, they will climb up on the seat and squat on the throne. How unmannered is that to squat on the THRONE. It is bad enough to squat by the road side while waiting for the bus what more ON THE THRONE! Arlo, there are cases that the toilet bowl actually cracked and split and I don't wanna go into what happen to the squatter. I think it was an ugly sight. So please do not even attempt to climb on the toilet seat with high heels.

3) The half squat

This is like the ideal and best way to use the seat toilet. The butt will not be in contact with the disgusting toilet seat, and you don't have to risk your life standing on the toilet bowl. Squatting halfway and doing your business is the best way. Trains the thigh muscles very well too. Well, first time it may be a little wobbly to do this stunt, but let me tell you, practice makes perfect.
This method will guarantee that you won't need to hesitate going to a public toilet ever again.

So ladies, if you are still doing number 1) and 2) and haven't discovered that 3) was ever possible, try practicing method 3) at home first. I can tell you the feeling is like the Israelites discovering a land flowing with milk and honey.


posted by DaphStar* @ 5:57 AM  
  • At July 11, 2007 at 1:33 AM, Anonymous bernard said…

    Another problem is the toilet water splashes up the ass when the shit drops. This happens more on sitting toilets. Got to train the asshole muscle to drop the shit like in an Olympic dive.

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