Down In A Gulp: Take control , be a monk

Down In A Gulp

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Take control , be a monk

Was reading digg.com and this article caught me eye. A Mormon's guide to Masturbation. HAH! Now that's eye catching. This is not something made up and it is true , like commandments engraved onto stone tablets.

So here are the selected Mormon's guide to self control:-
And my thoughts to the guide.

1. Never touch the intimate parts of your body except during normal toilet processes.
Can you get aroused in a toilet??? Like a kopitiam toilet??

2. Avoid being alone as much as possible. Find good company and stay in this good company.
But a guy and a guy can't go to the toilet together and make sure that the other won't jerk off!

3. If you are associated with other persons having this same problem, YOU MUST BREAK OFF THEIR FRIENDSHIP. Never associate with other people having the same weakness.
Wah lau ehh, you will be a very lonely person to follow this commandments of self control.

4. When you bathe, do not admire yourself in a mirror. Never stay in the bath more than five or six minutes -- just long enough to bathe and dry and dress AND THEN GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM into a room where you will have some member of your family present.
Err, do you give a name to your ding dong and talk to it using the mirror? Its like playing a ventriloquist with your ding dong.

5. Avoid people, situations, pictures or reading materials that might create sexual excitement.
Yes, avoid porn. But you can't avoid a girl with a micro mini skirt, showing off a little butt cheek, walking around the club rite. That little bit of the beginning of the butt cheek curve creates sexual excitement too.

6.It is sometimes helpful to have a physical object to use in overcoming this problem. A Book of Mormon, firmly held in hand, even in bed at night has proven helpful in extreme cases.
Kekekeke, ROTFL, can sprinkling holy water all over help?

7. If the temptation seems overpowering while you are in bed, GET OUT OF BED AND GO INTO THE KITCHEN AND FIX YOURSELF A SNACK.
Or drive yourself to the nearest Mamak for a good helping of roti. OR, drive yourself to the nearest 'Chau Ah Kua' nest. You will never fantasize about girls for that night.

8. Put wholesome thoughts into your mind at all times. Read good books.
Hmm... true, read something less stressful.

9. Pray. But when you pray, don't pray about this problem, for that will tend to keep [it] in your mind more than ever
ROTFL. Don't pray about this problem? They really thought about everything possible.

10. In very severe cases it may be necessary to tie a hand to the bed frame with a tie in order that the habit of masturbating in a semi-sleep condition can be broken. This can also be accomplished by wearing several layers of clothing which would be difficult to remove while half asleep.
This is my FAV! Tie a hand to the bed frame? ROTFLMAO!! So if you have the urge, cuff yourself.

posted by DaphStar* @ 12:28 AM

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